Marry Me?
by abandon.me297
Summary: Just a bunch of one shots consisting of the characters of Death Note asking them to marry each other. Will take suggestions. OOC, Crack, Yaoi, Yuri warning.
1. Light Asks L

Light closed his auburn eyes and sighed, giving himself some mental preparation.

"Well, what is it?" L asked patiently.

"I…" Light said taking a deep breath.

"You?"

"I… love…"

"You love?"

"Will you marry me?" Light finally managed to force the stubborn words out of his mouth, making the detective in front of him give a puzzled glance.

"Will I marry you?" L asked, repeating the question as if he was mis-hearing.

"Yes, will you marry me?" Light asked again.

"And you're not kidding?" L questioned. Light nodded and pursed his lips nervously.

"Hmmm…" L thought, taking an iPhone out of his pocket. He pressed the news app. and searched desperately hoping that the government decided to make gay marriage illegal. No luck.

"Oh… uh… I can't…" L said in his best acting voice to cover up his butterflies.

"Why not?"

"Because… the news says that gay marriage is strictly prohibited," Light raised one of his eyebrows.

"Let me see," he said, reaching for the iPhone and snatching it out of L's boney hand.

"What, no they don't," Light said in dis-belief that the great L would stoop as so low as lying. L raked his brain for another excuse as to why he couldn't marry the younger in front of him.

"I'm too old for you…" was L's next excuse.

"So?" Light countered with a smirk, knowing that l was running out of excuses.

"Um… yeah I am,"

"Only by six years…"

"No, I'm really… 65 years old,"

"What, don't lie! If you don't want to marry me, just say no, I won't argue"

"Light Yagami, I wish not to marry you,"

"WHY NOT!?" L sighed and closed his eyes, preparing for a rigerous argument over why he should not marry Kira.

**---xxxxx---**

**Lol, I had to make one of those xD**

**If you have any suggestions for someone else asking someone just tell me in a PM or a review or something and I'll make one for next chapter :D**

**And I know, the characters weren't acting like themselves but I wanted it to be relevantly funny =/**


	2. Mello, Matt, Near Ask L

**Okay, this one is for Near, Matt, and Mello ganging up on L. As requested by... someone... x.x**

**---xxxxx---**

"This office is so boring! We should all do crack and get high or something!" Misa whined. L raised an eyebrow at her as he took a loud sip of tea.

"Crack, Amane Misa, is illegal, and if I ever saw you smoking anything out of a bong, I will take you in,"

"He'd do it," Light said, backing up L.

"Whatever," Misa cried, flailing her arms in the air. "YOU'RE ALL AGAINST ME!"

"Misa, calm yourself down, resorting to violence and childish acts will resolve to nothing," L explained politely taking a strawberry and popping it in his mouth. Misa narrowed her caramel eyes at him.  
"Has Misa ever told Ryuzaki that she doesn't like him?"

"No, Misa Amane has not,"

"Well... I dislike you!"

"That's ni--" The doors suddenly flew open and Mello, Matt, and Near came running in.

"L!" Matt and Mello yelled in unison.

"L..." Near said in his monotone voice as they all surrounded L.

"Yes?" L asked, setting his tea cup down.

"Will you marry us!?" Mello asked with a wide smile.

"Marry... you?" L asked with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, holy matrimony!" Matt said eagerly.

"Yay," Near said sarcastically.

"Shuddup, Near, you know he'd pick me!" Matt said, crossing his arms and looking away stubbornly.

"Suuuuuure, I'm _way _sexier than any of you!" Mello said, latching onto L's arm. L looked at him and then at Near who locked their arms on the opposite side of Mello.

"Oh, hell, _no_," Matt said. "You did _not _just go there,"

"Oh, but I did," Mello said triumphantly. He let go of L's arm and stuck his tongue out at Matt.

"Yeah, well..." Near said as he pushed his lips up with L's. L's eye grew wide, as long as everyone else's.

"Nooo!" Mello said, falling to his knees.

"I lose..." he added, sitting down beside Light and watching Matt and Near fight.

"Whaa?" Misa asked, looking up in thought.

"WELL..." Matt said, pushing Near away and smashing L's and his lips together, quickly letting his tongue slip into his wet, and sweetened by tear, mouth. Near narrowed his eyes.

"Whoa..." Light gasped, watching the fight go on between them. "Is Wammys a gay institute?"

"YOU'RE A GAY INSTITUE!" Mello shouted. L quickly pushed Matt away.

"Okay... calm down," L said, wiping saliva from his mouth.

"Why?" Near asked (D=)

"What exactly are you guys trying to do?" L questioned, ridding his mouth of the taste of Matt with his tea.

"Uhhh... fighting for your love?" Matt guessed.

"You don't know, do you?" L asked with an annoyed look on his face.

"Nope,"

"Not a clue,"

"Moo,"

"We just decided we wanted to marry you," Mello explained from his seat on the couch.

"We decided that if I kissed L than Mello would lose, and is Mello kissed L first than Matt would lose, and if Matt kissed L first, I would lose, then we determined that whoever made out with L first would marry him," Near explained.

"YAY! I getta marry L! I'm going to fuck the great detective!" Matt said happily.

"Whatev- wait... who says you'd be on top?" Mello asked.

"I did," Matt replied. L sighed and held the bridge of his nose.

"Well, Misa, looks like your wish came true," Light said, looking at Misa whow as still thinking.

**---xxxxx---**

**Done that one, sorry it took so long xD**

**Been busy**

**Any suggestions, I'll take them n.n**


	3. Rem Asks Misa

"Amane Misa… you are indeed beautiful…"

"Awww, thank you, Rem! You're really sweet!" Misa chirped, smiling at the white and purple God of Death standing in front of her with its elongated limbs.

The Death God placed her hands on Misa's shoulders, letting the two females gaze into each other's eyes.

"Rem, are you trying to start something?" Misa giggled.

"What do you mean?" Rem asked in her almost monotone voice.

"Oh, nothing!" Misa grinned.

Rem blinked blankly at the young, blonde model in front of her.

"Amane Misa, will you marry me?" she asked, catching Misa off guard.

"W-what!?" Misa cried.

"Will you please marry me?"

"Oh, sorry, Rem, but… my heart belongs to Light," Misa cooed.

"So, Misa, you ready for the wedding?" Ryuk asked as he pushed through the door.

"Oh, yeah! I already picked out a dress!" Misa declared eagerly.

"Good, good," Ryuk said. "Oh, can we bring apples?"

Misa tossed in apple in the air and Ryuk caught it between his teeth like Scooby and a Scooby snack.

"Wait, who are you marrying; Light Yagami?" Rem asked.

"No, I'm marrying Ryuk," Misa said, informing Rem.

"I thought you said your heart belonged to Light," Rem said.

"Yeah, but Ryuk told me that if I marry him, Light-kun will love me!" Misa smiled.

Rem looked at Ryuk who just shrugged.

"I wanna get married," he replied.

"Ryuk…" Rem sighed.

"Well, let's go get married, Misa!" Ryuk said as he turned around.

"Okay!" Misa giggled, following behind Ryuk.

"See you at the wedding!" she called to Rem.


	4. Beyond Asks L

L watched as his doppelganger dip his fingers in the moderate sized jar of strawberry jam and lick the substance off his slender, pale fingers. He repeated that action every time his fingers were clean and back to their original state.

"Beyond?" L asked.

Beyond stopped dipping and licking and looked up at L. "Yeah?"

"I just have one question that has been mocking me all day," L explained as if he needed an explanation.

"What is it?" Beyond asked as he continued eating the thick, sticky jam.

"Why exactly do you share my exact appearance, with the exception of eye colour?"

"Well," Beyond began, swallowing a chunk of strawberry without chewing. "I want to look like you because… you're pretty."

L looked slightly taken aback at the gesture, unsure if it were meant to be compliment or insult.

"And by that you mean?" L asked patiently.

"I mean… you're good-looking? I don't know, you're pretty… deal with it damn you," Beyond commanded.

L took a breath and exhaled, figuring he'd have to figure it out for himself. He pushed the tip of his thumb inside his mouth and started to nibble on it intently.

"You're going to try to figure out yourself, aren't you?" asked Beyond with a frown.

"Yeah," L replied bluntly.

Beyond shrugged and proceeded to eat the jam, as he had done so before.

Ten minutes of thinking and obnoxious slurping and chewing sounds later, Beyond dug his whole hand in the cold jar of jam and shovelled out a ball of gooey mess. The jam was cold in Beyond's hand, sending shivers down his spine and goose bumps up his arm, he wanted to get the jam out of his hand as quickly as possible, so, he threw the cold ball at L, and it landed in his lap.

L looked at his now messy pants and then at B who was busy contently licking his hands clean with a playful smirk on his face.

L inwardly smiled and scooped the jam into his hands, standing up and dropping the jam on the very top of Beyond's head.

Beyond gasped at the sudden and cold feeling of the jam. He threw his head forward and the jam fell off his raven hair and onto the floor below. He looked up at L who was smiling happily to himself. Beyond narrows his eyes and grabbed the spoon on the table beside him that L had gotten him in case he needed it. He was happy L was being thoughtful today, or else he couldn't deliver his strawberry flavoured revenge. Fortunately for B, and unfortunately for L, the spoon was plastic, making it a good catapult to launch the irritating jam at L.

Beyond filled the spoon with jam and took aim at L, firing the jam onto the other's perfectly white shirt, which now had a pinkish stain on it.

L picked up the jam and threw it as best he could at Beyond, hitting his chin and a few parts hitting his left cheek precisely.

"This means war!" Beyond declared with his spoon in the air.

L sighed. "B, I have no intentions of taking part in your immature game of--" A mouth full of jam interrupted the detective and he quickly swallowed.

Beyond smirked and shot another wad of jam at L, who dodged the bullet, hearing the 'plop' of it hitting the wall behind him.

L walked over to Beyond and snatched the jar of jam out of his hands before he could react, turning the jar upside down and watching as the sweet, fruity jam dumped out its container and all over Beyond.

"That's not fair!" Beyond said.

"No, this is not fair to Watari, who will have to clean this up later," L replied, placing the empty jar on the table where he had kindly put Beyond's cutlery. He did not think that the spoon he had placed there for his guest would turn against him. Of course, he thought wrong. An error in the great mind of L?

"I'll clean it up!" Beyond volunteered, penetrating the jam on the floor with his finger and then sticking it in his mouth.

L raised his eyebrows. "What about me?"

"You?" Beyond asked, looking at him. "Well, I'm not licking you clean."

"I know that, but I do not feel like showering," L explained.

"Well, I guess you can sponge bathe, but I ain't helping."

"You flatter yourself way too often."

"Shuddup…"

Beyond picked up a larger piece of fruit from the jam that housed it, and tossed it at L, hitting his cheek where it stayed.

Beyond stood up and slowly edged closer to L who looked at him curiously. Once he got close enough and felt his pants brush against L's, he quickly licked L's cheek, taking the strawberry from it swiftly, leaving a bewildered L with pink tinted cheeks. He stuck his tongue out at L and turned around, munching on the strawberry.

"What happened to "I'm not licking you clean"?" L asked after he was all with it again.

He saw Beyond shrug and then turn around. "Changed my mind, I guess."

"Well, you haven't licked the rest of me clean yet," L replied. His eyes got slightly wider than usual, surprised by his own choice of words.

"My, my, my," Beyond said with a smirk. "Is the great L hitting on me?"

"Please," L said. "I have better ways to spend my time than, rather than spending it with you."

"Oh, too late. You've already spent quite a long time with me," Beyond responded with a smile.

"Against my own free will, yes," L said with a smile of his own.

Beyond frowned, not thinking of any more come backs to offer the make shift computer in front of him, he took L's hand in his own.

L looked down at the link their hands made and cocked an eyebrow.

"L Lawliet," Beyond started.

"How do you know my last name?" L asked, gazing at Beyond in interest.

"Uhhh… never mind that," Beyond said quickly. "I have a question to ask of you."

"What is it?"

"Will you mawwy me?" Beyond asked with a puppy face.

"Sure," L replied frankly.

Beyond stopped having that begging look on his face and looked at L in surprise.

"Really?"

"Sure, why not?"

Beyond opened his mouth to say something, not coming up with anything he scowled. L was smirking and looking at Beyond triumphantly, who narrowed his eyes and spun around.

"The wedding's off!" he announced irritably, storming out of the room.

L smiled, now that Beyond was gone, he was free to do whatever he wanted.

He felt a sticky muss on his cheek and he gently touched it, remembering when Beyond had dragged his tongue across he cheek to retrieve the strawberry. He felt his cheeks turn slightly warmer than usual and he frowned, not being able to help but having a remorseful feeling that he hadn't of truly married Beyond. But, what was L to do? He was too childish to go say sorry to Beyond and actually ask him to marry him, he didn't think he'd mind being alone, all though, he felt he wouldn't mind having someone there for him either. He sighed and then shrugged. His loss.

He ran his fingers through some strawberry jam forgotten on the table, licking his finger clean and heading for the shower.

**---xxxxx---**

**Lol xD**

**That was fun to write… but my pinkie's sore D:**

**Sorry I took so long to update, been working on some other stories, too… but doesn't mean I forgot about this one ;D**

**Reviews make me smile :)**


	5. Matt Asks Misa

"Hey, you're hot, want to marry me?" Matt asked as he looked the blonde model in front of him up and down.

"Who the hell are you?" Misa sneered.

"Uhhh… the person you love in disguise," Matt replied quickly, every woman loved a man in disguise, right? Right. Especially if they already loved that man, right? Right.

"Kira!?" Misa squealed.

"…" Matt narrowed his eyes, only extremely puzzled by why she had said "Kira,". Suuuure, Kira was a common name amongst _girls_. But, again, there was the vicious serial killer Kira. Matt finally came up with a response. "Suuuuuuuure………."

"Oh emm eff gee!" Misa said, jumping up and down gleefully.

"Okay, just stop jumping!" Matt said exasperatedly.

"Okay!" Misa said obediently.

Man, women sure are obedient to a fault, aren't they? Matt asked himself.

"Okay, now let's go have sex, I'll tell you I have to go to work, usher you out the door, promise to call you, break that promise, and you'll hold a grudge against me forever, and _then_ you'll realize I wasn't really Kira and get even more mad? Okay?" Matt asked.

"Okay!" Misa chirped happily.

**---xxxxx---**

*At the wedding*

"Do you, Matt, take Misa Amane, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," Matt replied briskly.

"Do you, Misa Amane, take Matt, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I—wait," Misa said, turning to look at Matt. "You're not Kira?"

"Uhhmmm… yeah I am," Matt lied nervously.

L rose from the pews with handcuffs in hand.

"Thanks," he said as he put the cuffs on Matt's wrists and took him away.

"GET BACK HERE WITH KIRA!" Misa shouted after the two. "WE'RE NOT DONE GETTING MARRIED YET!"

"Just as planned…" Light snickered slyly under his breath while no one was paying attention.

"You didn't plan any of this, you just say that if everything works in your favor," Near said, suddenly showing up beside Light and pointing a finger at him.

"What?" Light asked. "What are you doing? Where'd you come from?"

Near looked around and shrugged.

Light slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Shouldn't you be working on succeeding L or something?"

"Yeah, but Mello gets mad at him if I do," Near explained, directing his finger toward a blonde male biting furiously into a chocolate bar.

Light felt his right eye twitch.

"I WANT MY MAN BACK! GIVE HIM BACK! HE SAID THAT WE WOULD HAVE SEX AND HE WOULD LIE AND I WOULD HOLD A GRUDGE OR SOMETHING!" Misa whined, falling on her knees and sobbing "AND WHY WAS L HERE!? I DIDN'T INVITE HIM!"

Misa pointed at Near angrily. "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO _YOU_ ARE!"

"Neither do I…" Light said, scanning him suspiciously.

"Here, marry this!" Mello yelled, throwing an onion ring at Misa.

"Okay!" Misa said happily.

"But… it has a hole…" Near said.

"Does that mean it's a girl?"

"I guess so…"

**---xxxxx---**

**That was retarded xD**

**Misa x Onion Ring… YAYYAYAYYA! :D**

**Not even… x.x**

**-Yuki Adii**


	6. Light Asks Near

A bead of sweat trickled down Light's temple. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. What was his next move? It was obvious; Near had won. No, not yet, Kira would not cave in so easily.

"Near… will you really kill me?" Light asked the small albino.

Near tilted his head to the side. "No, I have no intentions of killing you."

_Good_

"That's good… because I have a confession to make…"

"IS IT THAT YOU'RE KIRA!" Matsuda demanded eagerly.

"GOD!" they heard Mikami yell rabidly from outside.

"… noooo…" Light lied nervously. "It's that… well… have you ever thought about… settling in?"

"What?" Near narrowed his eyes into little slits. "No…"

"Oh… that's too bad…" Light acted. "I was hoping we could…"

"We could?" Near repeated.

"Could get married," Light finished.

Aizawa snorted and Matsuda fell on the floor laughing, holding his stomach as tears dribbled out of his eyes.

"Near wishes not to marry Kira," Near replied.

"Rejected, rejected, you just got rejected," Gevanni taunted.

Light rolled his eyes. "Please?"

"GOD!"

"Shut it!"

"I said no…" Near told Light through a sigh. "God this meeting is-"

"GOD!"

"Retarded…"

The door swung open and a blonde with pigtails and stomped over to Light. "What are you doing asking someone else to marry you!"

"Weren't you in the Teito Hotel?" Light asked in fear and surprise.

"Yeah, but my senses picked up that you were asking someone to marry you!" Misa explained huskily. "WHO IS IT!"

"That's freaky…" Mogi said distantly.

"MY LIGHT!" Misa exclaimed as she led Light out of the warehouse.

"Crazy…" Near scoffed after a long silence.

**-xxxxx-**

**THAT WAS MESSED UP!**


	7. Mello Asks Near

Mello narrowed his eyes and Near as he stacked tarot cards. How could he remain so calm while Kira was running around? How could he remain so calm while L was dead? Mello hated that kid. Near was only thirteen, Mello had never hit a kid before, but he was going to start very soon. Or so he feared. Even though he wasn't sure why he _feared_ he was going to hit him. All his life, Near always came before he did in everything. Mello was sick of it. One day he was going to bust a cap in his ass.

"Mello, what are you staring at?" Near asked monotonously as he carefully placed a card on top of another.

"What?" Mello asked, suddenly dragged out of his thoughts.

"I said-"

"I know what you said," Mello mumbled, looking away from Near.

"Then why bother asking?" Near provided Mello with a comeback to counter.

Mello just made a face and shook his head. "I need some chocolate."

"You're going to get fat," Near warned him.

"Shut up," Mello barked.

Near inwardly smiled to himself. Seeing Mello get so angry at nothing was very amusing to the albino.

Out of nowhere an idea came to Mello and hit him in the face like a boulder, we call this boulder proposal.

"Hey, Near," Mello turned around with a grin on his face.

"What is it, Mello?" Near asked, not bothering to look at the elder blonde.

"Have you ever thought about being in a relationship?" Mello inquired.

"Not lately," Near replied.

"Oh, well how about we settle down and... tie the knot?" Mello smiled.

"Tie the knot... you mean se-"

"No!" Mello yelled. "I mean getting married."

Mello's stomach fluttered. He was nervous. Why was he so nervous? He was only doing this to confuse Near. Yet there he was, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground, finding his lips pursed in nervousness and his blue eyes darting back and forth.

Near's hands stopped stacking tarot cards and it appeared he had stopped breathing, or was Mello seeing things?

"Well?" Mello asked finally.

Near hummed. "I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don't know!" Mello crossed his arms. Why was he working up such a sweat?

"I mean, I don't know. It's pretty self-explanatory," Near told Mello matter-of-factly.

"Near! I'm serious here!" Mello snapped.

"I'm sure you are," Near nodded.

"Near!"

"What?"

Abruptly the door swung open and Matt appeared in the door way, but apparently Matt swung the door open too hard because it slammed against the door-stop and swung back, hitting Matt in the face making the male stumble backwards.

"Retard..." Mello muttered.

Near sniggered silently to himself and continued to stack tarot cards.

"Mello!" Matt started yelling after he got up and out of his daze.

"What?" Mello asked.

"I need money!"

"I'm not giving you my chocolate money to support your video game addiction," Mello folded his arms.

"Why? I gave you my money to support your chocolate addiction!" Matt whined.

"No!" Mello dismissed.

Matt noticed the smaller kid sitting on the floor named Near. "Near, can I-"

"No," Near replied quickly.

"You know what? F**K you guys, F**K you guys," Matt snapped, throwing his DSi on the ground.

"Why did you..."

"Oh my God, my baby!" Matt wailed, picking up the DSi. "I'm so sorry!" he quickly scurried out of the room, holding the DSi tenderly in his hands.

An awkward silence controlled the room.

"So... uhh... will you marry me?" Mello asked uncomfortably. "And if you say "I don't know" I swear to God I will-"

"Mello," Near stood up and turned around. (He can stand? O.e)

"Yeah?" Mello asked.

Near threw his arms around Mello's neck and kissed him, making Mello's eyes widen in surprise and his cheeks flush with embarrassment. Near pulled away since Mello seemed to be too shocked to do anything and started twirling a lock of his snowy white hair.

"Does... this mean you'll marry me?" Mello stuttered.

"I'll think about it..." Near replied, starting to walk off.

After Near was out of ear shot Mello smiled.

"Score!" he smiled.

"I saw," Matt commented, crossing his arms.

Mello froze and looked at Matt. "Wha?"

"All of it..."

"I'm a nudist now!" Matsuda declared as he burst through the door and streaked (literally) through the room. "I'm all natural!"

"... interesting..." Matt's eye twitched.

"If you need me, I'll be wherever Matsuda isn't," Mello informed him.

"Me too," Matt said, following behind Mello.

"But..." Matsuda sniffled. "Fine! Be that way!"

**-xxxxx-**

**Sorry I didn't update in a while, I've been writing some other things too**

**Lol, Thanks for reading.**

**-Yuki Adii**


	8. Misa Asks Light

"Light! Light! Light! Light!" Misa sang. "Light! Light! Light! Liiii-"

"I will smack you, woman!" Light snapped.

Misa quickly put on a pair of glasses daintily and pushed them in between the lenses biting down on her bottom lip. "You wouldn't hit a girl with glasses, would you?" she asked, the question accompanied by a rather geeky snort.

"No, I'd just take the glasses off..." Light answered.

"Chess..." L commented quietly.

"Lighty-poo?" Misa cheered

"Lighty-poo?"

"Will you marry me!" she demanded.

"Checkers..." L whispered.

"No," Light smirked.

"Buuuut!" Misa complained. She snatched the collar of Light's shirt and pulled him closer, bringing her mouth to his ear. "If you don't marry me, I'll tell L you're Kira."

"Oh... you're good..." Light responded with narrowed eyes.

Misa leaned back and smiled contently.

"Math..." L blinked.

"Okay, Misa, I'll marry you, just let me write down the date..." Light took out a black note book with the words "Death Note" printed on the cover.

"What's that?" L quickly asked, looking at it closely, a little too close.

"Is it just me or does L seem a little more..."

"Crackers..." L grinned.

"A.D.D than usual?" Light asked.

"It's just you," Misa waved it off.

"Okay..." Light started scribbling in his note book and thirty seconds later Misa died...

"Whoa, snap!" L shouted in surprise. "What is that thing?" he pointed to the Death Note.

"A book of riddles..." Light replied quickly.

L took the note book and looked at up, up side down, down side down, left, right, backwards. For a second, the youngest male felt afraid that L might figure out who he was but... "I don't get this one..."

Light slapped his forehead and took Misa's dead hand, placing a ring on it. "Yayzers!"

"Marrying?" L smiled like a child.

"Uh-huh..."

"Why won't you marry me!" L demanded.

"Christ..."


	9. L Asks Ryuk

**OOC Warning. Mildly severe language. Slight Light bashing. **

**-xxxMARRY MExxx-**

L took a rather noisy sip of tea as uncomfortable silence claimed the room as its own. The silence nurtured that room gently and motherly like. Damn, the silence and room must be pretty tight!

"It's boring in here," Ryuk complained.

"Go fall in a hole and die," L said, smiling innocently.

Ryuk leaned in closer to L and narrowed his round eyes. "What are you implying?"

"I'm implying that you should die," L replied bluntly.

"I'm sorry, I can't die," Ryuk leaned back. "We got anything in this room like... apples or something?"

"You apple addicted whore," L sniggered.

"You sugar addicted hooker," Ryuk shot back with an amused chuckle.

"Touche..." L mumbled.

Ryuk poked L's cheek repeatedly, boredom long since settled into his mind. Light had left to go shit all and left the shinigami with L, the worlds most boring detective. Why wouldn't he do something with him? Ryuk had asked him to play some Mario Golf or something with him, but he declined. Ryuk just didn't get humans. Why wouldn't they all be the same? Well... that would get kind of boring, Ryuk guessed, so he should be thankful for that. But still, L had to be the most boring person he ever had the displeasure of spending time alone with. Being alone with the Grim Reaper would be more... oh wait, he was already practically the Grim reaper.

"L, let's do something!" Ryuk offered eagerly.

"No," L answered impassively.

"Please?"

"I want to get married," L put out spontaneously and frankly.

"So... go get married," Ryuk replied.

"I kind of want to marry a shinigami... a male shinigami..." L hinted.

Ryuk, catching onto the hint, drew his head back. "Sorry, buddy, I don't go for males... or humans..."

"Okay... your loss..." L shrugged.

More silence filled the room.

"Please?'

"Nah, sorry."

More silence.

"Why not?"

"Because, you're a human male."

Light shuffled through the door and threw himself in a chair. "What's up?"

"Ryuk won't marry me!" L whined.

"What?" Light furrowed his eyebrows.

"I asked him if he wanted to marry me, but he kept saying no!"

"Well, you kept rejecting me for playing Mario Golf..." Ryuk crossed his arms.

"Wait, I know how to fix this!" Light interrupted. "You guys will get married in a game together, how's that?"

"I want to get married in real life!" L complained.

"Works for me," Ryuk smiled, chuckling to himself.

"Fine," L sighed.

"So... which game?"

"Mario Golf!" Ryuk suggested.

"You can't get married in Mario Golf!" Light said. "Pick another."

"The Sims 3," L tried.

"That works," Light settled.

"Aww... that game sounds so boring..." said Ryuk.

"Rub some dirt in it," Light waved his hand at Ryuk. "Now go play nice."

L got up and took Ryuk's hand. "We're going to get married, we're going to get married!"

"In a game, in a game!" Ryuk chanted with him.

The two skipped off and Light sighed. His caramel eyes darted around the room before he pursed his lips and took out his iPod, changing the song to Hannah Montana.

"What cha doing!" Matt demanded.

"Whoa, what the hell!" Light jumped up and quickly turned his iPod off. "Jeez, man, don't sneak up on me like that! You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Matt narrowed his eyes. "And what's that supposed to me? Are you implying I'm Kira?"

"Uhh... no..." Light cocked an eyebrow.

"Lies!" Matt shouted, pointing a finger at Light. "This isn't the last of me! I'm going to go see Lara Croft now!" and with that, Matt ran away. And when Light was certain that no one was around, he slowly and suspiciously put his ear buds back in, listening to the Jonas Brothers. He was truly in heaven.

**-xxxxx-**

**Thanks for reading!**


	10. L Asks Light

Light shook his hand up and down uncomfortably as the cuff to his chain dangled about. He frowned at the metal. He never know L was so... persistant. Why did he have to insist on such unreasonable things? Speaking of L, the male was licking his lips to rid them of the sugar from his strawberry. He looked content, or was that dead? Either way, he looked L.

"Light, let's get married," L suggested out of nowehere.

"What?"

"I said..."

"I heard what you said," Light snapped. He mentally hit himself. He wasn't supposedf to act so short fused with L, he was supposed ot be Light; the nice, patient, hard working guy.

"That sure is a temper," L commented.

"Sorry, I'm tired," Light excused.

"You just woke up..." L told him.

"No I didn't!" Light barked quickly in response.

"Calm down..."

"Oh my god, cookies!" Ryuk gasped. He picked a cookie up and pondered it carefully before shovled it down his throat. He choked it up and spat it on the floor, hissing at it coldly.

"Moron..." Light whispered.

Misa stormed into the room and grabbed Light by the ear.

"ow, ow, ow, ow," Light twitched.

"Light, I want you to marry me..." L whimpered.

"Cookies are evil!" Ryuk screamed, stomping on the chocolate chip cookie.

"Cookies just want to be your friend!" Matsuda insisted.

"Cookies are evil!" Ryuk repeated.

"Light, how dare you ask L to marry you!" Misa squeeled in betrayal.

"What! L asked me!" Light defended.

"No I didn't..." L interjected.

"See!" Misa pulled on Light's ear. "Let's go, now!"

L sniggered to himself and chomped down on his donut. "Misa will never know... giggle..."

"Cookie!" Ryuk hissed.

"No!" Matsuda wailed. "Cookie wants to be your friend!"

"Cookie monster will eat you..." L told Ryuk.

Ryuk gasped in fear. "Really?"

"Yeah, you better stop messing with his cookies."

"I got to get out of the country and grow a beard!" Ryuk scrambled out of the room.

Matsuda picked up the crumbled cookie and sniffed. "I hardly knew you..."

"His name was Fred," L informed him.

"Oh, then I don't care," Matsuda chucked the cookie behind him and walked awya, leaving L in a fit of evil laughter and donuts. Cheese...

**-xxxxx-**

**That was really... no comment**

**Isn't it weird... when people randomly say cheese? It's random and all but not surprising...**


	11. Near Asks Matsuda

Near's eyes darted around nervously behind his completey inaccurate L mask. Why was the meeting so intense? The tension in the atmosphere stalking through the Yellow Box Warehouse. Near didn't see no boxes, so not only was his mask inaccurate, but so was the name of the warehouse. Near always wondered why people named things what they named them. Was it just because? Or did they have some intentions of making this place a warehouse for yellow coloured boxes? And what about naming children? Did they just chose names they wanted? Or what? Okay... getting off topic.

"Well, Near, I guess this is it, remove your mask," Light said with a slight hint of evil in hsi voice.

Near coughed and turned his head. He was so uncomfortable, so nervous. Why? Why did he have to be so nervous?

"I want a milkshake!" Matsuda announced to everyone, a worried expression spread across his face.

"Nobody said anything about milkshakes," Aizawa sighed.

"But... still..." Matsuda sniffled.

"Near, take off your mask," Light told Near again.

Near lifted his mask off his face and everyone, with the exclusion of the SPK members, glanced at his face, astonished by seeing his monotonous features for the first time. Seriously... it wasn't that awesome.

Light looked off to the side, unimpressed by this. Near looked at Matsuda who was busy following a Monarch Butterfly, even though Near had absolutely no idea where the butterfly came from. Weird. Near thought. But he looked so cute and happy and... kind of clueless, but cute.

"Matsuda, want to get married?" Near asked, he quickly cupped a hand over his mouth. He didn't mean to say that, it just sort of... came out.

Matsuda froze in place and looked at Near with a confused face. Everyone else looked at him un surprise though.

"What did you say?" Matsuda blinked.

"He wants to know if you'll marry him," Halle told him, cupping he rhands together and making a kissing face, mocking the two.

Gevanni sghed and closed his eyes, smacking her on her back.

"Ow!" Halle yelled, truning around with a fist.

"Let's be mature about this..." Near calmed.

"Aren't you kind of young?" Matsuda questioned, poitning at Near.

Near looked around and shrugged. "I'm just really short."

"I can't marry you, you're illegal," Matsuda smiled.

"Well fuck, there goes my plans!" Light said in anger.

"What... plans?" Aizawa twitched.

Takada opened the door and fall to her knees, water dripping off her naked body.

"Holy crap... she's... she's alive!" Light said in disbelief.

"And... she's naked..."

Takada got up and flipped her drenched hair, walking up to Light and planting a firm, hard slap across his face before clearing her throat. She fixed her black hair and wiped water off her face before calmly setting her hands down at her side and looking at Light through furious, blue eyes.

"Do you know what I had to go through to get here!" Takada demanded, infuriated with the bruntette.

"Umm... no?" Light tried.

"I had to go through chickens!" Takada screamed.

"What?"

"Chickens," she repeated stiffly. "Just... chickens..."

"I don't want to-"

"Chickens are good..." Matsuda commented.

"I want to marry you!" Near cried.

"You have to be a chicklen first..."Matsuda told him sternly.

"Bawk," Near imitated.

"Close enough!" he shrugged, taking Near's hand and leading him huskily outn of the warehouse while Near mouthed the word "score!".

"Now... how should we end this story?" Light mused.

"With random letters!" Aizawa suggested merrily.

"No... because that's against the rules..." Light said throughtfully.

"Well... we'll just end it..."

**-xxxxx-**

**Uhh... I didn't know how to end the story... thought that was good enough. God damn I am one creative person!**


	12. Near Asks Mikami

**For one, I would like to apologize for not updating my fanfiction in a long time, I seem to have lost all of my inspiration. Second, I would also like to apologize for stopping this story so abruptly, I kind of got tired of writing it, but as I was reading trough it out of my boredum, I remembered how much fun it was... so here's a chapter for ... whoever may read this. Hopefully you guys will still read this story, if then I'd be upset D:**

**So please, enjoi! And I know I haven't gotten to all of your suggestions... but there's a lot of them, and some of them escape my mind D:**

**So, sorry. Hopefully you can forgives me? :D**

**-xxxxx-**

"And if I place this card here..." Near said quietly and very, very carefully. "It'll make a nice picture of a sna-"

"Whoo! What a trip!" Mikami exclaimed as he staggered through the door, obviously intoxictated. "Man, _this_ is what Kool-Aid will do to a man! You know what I'm saying?" he added, directing his drunk attention to the albino sitting on the floor. "Whoa, where'd all these cards come from?"

"Those are my tarot cards, I was making a picture of a snail with them, like from spongebob," Near explained, anger hidden behind his words. "But then you just came out of nowhere, upsetting my cards onto the floor."

"Aw man!" Mikami mubled, kneeling down beside a card with a skeleton on it. "I'm sorry lil' guy... I didn't mean to upset you..."

Near sighed and stood up. "Who are you?"

"My name is Teru Mikami, and I like sex!" Mikami declared. (AN: His name _is_ Teru, right? I was too lazy to check)

"That's interesting, Mikami," Near said, uninterested in Mikami's hammered drabble. Near took hold of Mikami's arm, trying to direct him to the door he had so rudely let him self through. "Why don't we just..."

"Whoa! What does _this_ thing do?" Mikami demanded in excitement, tearing away from Near and rushing towards a computer.

Mikami flew from gadget to gadget like a curious, small child in the stead of a drunken man, and all Near could do was watch him buzz about the room. It irritated the younger one to see someone he didn't even know invading his personal space. This was supposed to be his private area, somewhere to be alone and to get away from the pressure of being the next L.

"And then this should go-"

"Hey, Mikami?" Near interrupted him, al though he knew it was rude to interrupt, but he wasn't overly concerned about being polite.

"Yeah?"

"You said you were gay, right?"

Mikami looked up in thought. "No I didn't..."

"Yes you did," Near answered quickly. "So how 'bout you and me get married?"

"Whoo! Marrige, marrige!" he chanted. He grabbed Near's pale, tiny hand and started humming that marrige song they always play that one instrument.

"Okaaay! Slow down there, cowboy," Near said nervously. He slithered his hand out of Mikami's vice grip and looked at the blue eyed male. "Now listen to me, you go down to the nearest church and plan the wedding while I stay here and grab a few things."

Mikami nodded excitedly. "Wedding!" he cheered as he dashed to the nearest church.

Near quickly slammed the door and locked it, sighing with relief.

"Whoo! What a trip!" Mello giggled as he climbed through the window.

**-xxxxx-**

**Huh... I'm not as funny as I remember myself being. WELL ANYWAY! Hope you liked it... I guess .-.**

**-Yuki Adii**


	13. Soichiro Asks Misa

**Before I start, I would like to thank my Dad for the idea for the pairing. Yeah, I got my Dad into Death Note xD... it's awesome, we're on episode 26 :D**

**And these are for all those people who read my crap! :3**

**Enjoy...**

**OOC and yaoi warnings. **

**-xxxxx-**

The clock ticked and ticked, precious time lost in every _tck_ it made. It was calm at Task Force headquaters, the only things happening in the room being Light's concentrated thinking, L's spinning in his chair, and Soichiro's tapping his foot in rhythm with the clock. More time faded away, forever gotten by the world, no matter how unique it was, but to Soichiro, every second mattered. It all mattered, every second, every minute was a minute that could be used to hunt down Kira.

"I'm bored!" Misa exclaimed as she stretched out a yawn from the couch.

Nobody answered to her statement, a few eyes turned in the blonde's direction, or somebody would sigh as they felt this day was going nowhere.

"Misa, why dont you go do something?" Matsuda suggested optimistically. "I mean, you're not obligated to search for Kira, so you're free to go!"

A pair of charcoal eyes turned in their towards sockets at the young optimist. "Are you suggesting that you feel s if you are bound to your dicesion in chasing down Kira?" L asked him.

Matsuda sweat dropped. "No, no, not at all!" he stuttered nervously. Matsuda always found himself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, whic often got himself in trouble with L, as he was quick to twist the younger one's words. In fact, L appeared to single out on him, did he enjoy making him so nervous?

Matsuda bit down on his bottom lip and looked at Light's Dad, Soichiro, who's gaze gave the suggestion that it was fixated on the blonde on the couch who had complained she had been bored. Matsuda's brows knitted together in curiousity that Soichiro's eyes were travelling up and down Misa. What was he doing and why was he looking at Misa like that?

"Why is the Task Force so _boring_?" Misa demanded.

Matsuda saw Soichiro's eyes divert to his own and he let out a tiny sound of surprise, quickly looking away, but he could still feel chief's gaze piece through his skull.

"Misa, will you marry me?"

"Wha!" Misa shouted in surprise, bolting to a seated position.

Everybody looked at Light's Dad who had spoken so few to no words before, but came out with a sudden proposal. It was like... like... like

"Where did _that_ come from?" Light asked.

"I... don't know," Soichiro said, stumbling hand in hand with embarrassment over his words. "I just... I just..."

"That's not fair!" Aizawa complained.

"You don't usually... complain like that..." L narrowed his eyes. "Are you okay, Aizawa-san?"

"_I_ was going to ask Misa to marry me!" Aizawa stood up.

"Well, things here right now seem to be getting a bit out out of hand," L announced, standing up with his hands tucked away in the pockets of his bue jeans. "I'm going to go take a shower." he started for the stairs and Light was forced out of his chair and up the stairs as the metal chain between him and L gave him not much choice. Light staggered behind L, who gave no mind to the younger struggling behind him.

"I want Misa to marry me!" Soichiro insisted.

"No, no, no! I deserve her more!"

Misa's blue eyes dtarted back and forth. She didn't know what to do, she had never had anyone fight over her before. All though there was that one time with the onion ring... but she didn't want to get into _that_ story again.

"Well I say I should get her," Matsuda added to the argument.

"No!"

Misa scarmbled to her feet and upstairs after Light, leaving the three gorwn men downstairs break out into a brawl. The frenzy only went on for a little while when Rem entered the room to see the males throwing punches and words at eac other.

"What's going on?" Rem questioned.

"Misa's going to marry me!" she heard someone shout.

"Nu uh!"

Rem looked here and there at the bickering men. "Misa will be doing nothing of the sort."

All actions stopped, and all eyes on Rem. "Why not?" someone ased.

"Because she's marrying _me_," Rem answered matter-of-factly, crossing her long, long limbs and sticking out her tongue childishly.

"You can't!"

"Why not?" Rem narrowed her eyes.

"Gay marriage is illegal..." Soichiro guessed.

"L already _tried_ that excuse, remember?" Rem replied.

"Aw balls..."

**-xxxxx-**

L trotted non-chalantly downstairs, Light slowly trailing behind him, cheeks flushed pink. The elder of the two took his seat and sighed distantly. "That was quite an interesting shower..."

"Uhmm.. uh, yeah..." Light stuttered.

"Why are there bodies strewn carelessly across the floor?" L asked, looking the corpses of Soichiro, Aizawa, and Matsuda which were, as he had said, strewn so recklessly across teh floor of headquaters. His eyes trailed upwards, stopping on a death god whistling suspiciously.

"Hey, you," he stated.

"Hm?" it looked towards him.

"Do you know who did this?"

"It was... him..." Rem lied, pointing to Mogi who entered the room with a stack of files L had instucted him to get. The papers fell on the floor as Mogi looked around in surprise.

Light sighed, turning to face L in disappointment. "L, you ought to know better by now; Rem is lying."

"You're right!" L exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes. "It must have been Misa!"

Light slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand. Was it just him or was L being more... slow... than usual? "You know what?" Light asked, taking L's hand. "Let's go supstairs and just-"

"Does this mean you'd be on top this time?" L whined.

"Yes..." everyone heard Light mumble as they disappeard up the flight of steps.

**-xxxxx-**

**Errmm... CREDITS TO MY SISTER!**

**And please try to ignore typos, my browser has no spell check, and alas, I cannot use Microsoft Word. **


	14. Mello Asks Matt

**Uhh... hi. Uhh... I can't remember who EXACTLY requested this story but, this chapter is for them. So... whoever requested Matt x Mello... yeah... also for anyone else who, as we all know, reads my crap! :D**

**Please enjoy n_n**

**(BTW, IDK if a good author does this or not, but I try to be as good an author as I can, but I was writing this while playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl xD... okay?)**

**OOC, YAOI, SLIGHT (MAYBE SEVERE?) CRACK**

**-xxxxx-**

"Mello," Matt whined, "I'm bored!"

Mello's blue eyes slowly turned their glare at his fellow male who had been non-stop whining, complaining, and... whining that he had been bored for the last twenty minutes. Matt just didn't get it, did he? Mello understood he was bored... he just didn't care.

"Mello!" Matt cried. "I'm bo-"

"Ohmigawd, shut up," Mello mumbled. "Go play some... games or... something..."

Matt's eyes lit up in excitement, nodding furiously and digging savagely through his pockets in search of his Gameboy. Locating it, he retrieved it out of the fabric of his jacket and started playing on it profusely. Only forgetting one important detail.

"You know, Matt..." Mello started. "You'd probably enjoy it more if you turned it on..."

"Nah, probably not..." Matt replied, obviously not paying attention to Mello in the slightest. But how could he not notice that the screen was completely blank? Sometimes, Mello wondered.

"One plus one is two... two plus two is four... four plus four is... is... is..."

"_Eight_," Near finished for Mello.

"What? Who invited you?" Mello demanded.

"Matt..." Near responded, pointing to Matt who was still watching that blank screen like there was something very sexual and explicit happening on it. Something...

"Matt! I said _no_ Near," Mello said.

"I know..." Matt whispered. "I know..." Matt chucked his gameboy to the side and frowned, the familiar feeling of complaints creeping up oh so slowly on him again. "Mello, I'm bored!"

"Ohmigawd I am going to-"

"Mello!" Matt continued, paying no mind to the young man's threats, he knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt him, they were fwends.

Mello grabbed Matt by the collar and planted a rough and unexpected kiss upon his smooth lips. Surprised and in shock, Matt didn't move, instead taking the kiss like a man... a gay man I guess. Except Matt wasn't gay and he found it curious that he liked the kiss; he liked to feel Mello's chapped lips against his own soft ones. The only complaint he had was that Mello needed to invest in a chap stick.

"Matt and Mello sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Near taunted.

"Near, I thought we were more mature than this," Matt scolded, pulling away from the kiss.

"What's with this we crap?" Near smiled innocently. "Mello doesn't like me, so there is no we."

"Wow, we should get married..." Mello said absent-mindedly.

"Talk about building a relationship..." Matt uttered. "But okay!"

"Is there going to be cake there?" Near inquired. "Because I was planning on resurrecting L and everything... and he might like to attend..."

"Uhh... duh?" Mello glared.

"Can... can the theme be video games?" Matt asked meekly.

"Fine, but we get a chocolate cake," Mello compromised.

"Yeah!" Matt cheered, taking Mello by the hand and dashing through the door in a fit of merriment.

"... yay..." Near said sarcastically, left alone`in Mello's room.

**-xxxxx-**

**Huh... that was one of the few one shots in this series that actually ends in someone getting married...**

**Anyways, hope you enjoyed it whoever reqeusted it... and hope everyone else enjoyed it!**


End file.
